VTMAS No.64: Mysterious Squealing

Every now and again, I am reminded I am a human being that does not always process what I am hearing or seeing. This actually happened on my drive to a friend’s house for some Geeky Board gaming with good company. Literally, two days ago! Please understand, I drive a Golden Mirage and the poor thing is well over 100,000 miles, but hanging in there. As I embarked onto Interstate 4, I realize I hear squeaks, short and abrupt. First thought was, crap something’s wrong with the c

VTMAS No.45: Drive Around Midnight

If you knew me in high school, you knew I did  everything I could to NOT go home. This even meant driving around at random, as pathetic as it may sound. Regardless, it made for some fun adventures in the long run. On this particular night I had my hot Asian friend John along for the ride. I believe it may have been October at the time, we were either in 11th or 12th grade, but he wanted me to take him to some scary places. At first I think he wanted to visit a cemetery but I

VTMAS No.44: The Brown Starfish

We had gone fishing and we both were geeking out that in the bait bucket there was a little brown starfish. At the time we had a saltwater tank at home and were ecstatic to get a freebie to add into the aquarium. We got home and the husband nearly ran to the computer. Uh oh… I thought as I giggled. He’s going to attempt to google “brown starfish” with no filter on the search… It was barely a few minutes when he came out pale and sickly. “What’s wrong, honey?” I tried to hide

VTMAS No.43: Don’t You Dare Cleanup

Mudding. Either you know what I just said or wondering why this word should be significant. Growing up it was the family outing to go to the Mud Hole and later in my life it was our dating, fiancee and married couple thing to do. What is Mudding? It is often a “sport” involving vehicle, mainly trucks, driven through mud holes or muddy swampy bits, in an attempt to not get stuck and get super messy. Strangely enough, it can be very fun and exhilarating and for the cost of a ta

VTMAS No.42: The Scooter Gang

We’ve all been on family vacations, but occasionally one comes along that leaves a lasting impression. Being in Florida, going to the Beach was at least a must once a year. I was still in high school and my mother’s boyfriend, coined “Papa Jon”, had his son Cody down as well. It was instantly decided we would be taking a “family vacation” to Daytona Beach. It was a gorgeous clear day, the sand hot under your feet, the waves rolling in weren’t too wild or choppy, and we were h

VTMAS No.41: Sissy & The Turtle

I think life’s most wonderful entertainers, besides kids, would have to be our pets. In fact, like children, we enjoy watching them make poor choices in the most simplest task. We keep telling ourselves it’s a good lesson for them, but we both know we allow it to happen for that one epic or hilarious moment. We had stayed with my Husband’s cousins with our brand new Basset Hound puppy, Sissy, in tow. She was horribly adorable and the ears were beyond ridiculously long. Good m

VTMAS No.39: Car Ride to Miami

My husband and I had been dating for a while at this point. In fact, we had moved in together and things were going good for us both. His parents asked if we wanted to go with them to Miami to see the NASCAR race in Homestead. So we are talking about November 2005 when this happened. We piled into the baby blue Mercury Villager and Justin was shoving me in the very back, third row section swimming in pillows. “I can’t even see out the windows.” I huffed. “I don’t understand w

VTMAS No.38: Gas On A Plane

We had just gotten married back in April 2007 and I was excited that I was going with my husband and his family to a reunion. I had just experienced my real first plane rides on our honeymoon to Cancun and here I was about to fly to Ohio. It was going to be my first trip that far north. “You know what I like best about plane rides?” We were waiting for our turn through security as Justin started to grin wide, the mischievous sparkle in his eye as he spoke, “When you pass gas

VTMAS No.36: The Day The Grass Parted

My uncle Ymmit and I were asked to investigate what happened to the cats at my Great Grandmother’s home. She had been a safehouse for captured ferals who the humane society spayed or neutered and brought to her property to live. We had gotten a call asking where the cats had gone, and well, none of us had really stopped to consider what to do with them after she was submitted into the Nursing Home with dementia. It wasn’t like they weren’t being fed. The no-kill arrangement w

VTMAS No.33: Husband Got Wasted!

Everyone has drunk stories about a time they got wasted and had to piece together what happened via what your friends tell you. Granted, I rarely drink and even then it’s a one mixed drink and I’m good ordeal. It is this fact that makes me the ultimate Designated Driver for my husband, friends and family. One of the best moments with my now husband, was back in the days where we were just dating and had moved in together. “Hello?” It wasn’t a number I recognized as I answered

VTMAS No.31: Who Did It?

As a parent, it can be fun to feign ignorance to your four year old or ask a series of questions that will reward you with comedic gold. In this case, it was not what I expected to happen. “Mom! Linky pooped his pants!” Exclaimed my 4-year old. “He’s stinky!” Grinning, I decided to act as if I had not heard him, “You mean the Dog pooped his pants?!” “No..” He giggled, “Dudley doesn’t have pants! It was-“ “DADDY!” I gave my best shocked face, the husband unaware as he perused

VTMAS No.30: Baby Brain

If you have been pregnant, or know someone that was in their last trimester, you will know what it means to have Baby Brain. I can dive into the medical complications that cause one to be “spacey” and absent-minded, but trust me, its for real. It was during my first pregnancy that I got a really scary taste of how MUCH of my brain had decided to just stop functioning. I was sitting there, relaxing on the couch when I heard the sliding glass door open. My husband was aiming to

VTMAS No.29: Charmander’s Quota

There I was, standing in the kitchen when a wolf spider crawled out from its hiding spot and stood in the middle of the floor. It makes my skin crawl, but I caught my black and white maine coon mix sitting in the kitchen entry way staring at the bug. “Quick, Charmander! Get it!” His yellow eyes looked up at me with an unamused expression. “Kill it, buddy!” Slowly, he stood to his feet and casually walked up to the spider. It shifted away a few inches and the cat snorted. Look

VTMAS No.26: I Broke My New Underwear

Having kids is both a blessing and a curse. I love my kids, but I have to admit, until they came along, I remember having far more patience and way fewer blow up sessions. Regardless, they give us some of the most awesome and mind-blowing moments of comedy that I can’t even fathom or create on my own. This particular memory was while I was pregnant with “baby brodder” and amazingly my toddler had mastered potty training. He was so proud of his new underwear. I had bought him

VTMAS No.25: You Broke It!

As a recap, I had a cat named Charmander who was a black and white Maine Coon mix. He was a huge 35 pound monster that was bigger than most small dogs who made amazing facial expressions and super smart. I’ve already shared my husband’s first meeting with him Val Tell me a Story No. 13 so I will share another epic moment with you all. I was about 2 months pregnant with my first kid and some awesome friends of mine got me a automatic scooping kitty litter box. Charmander watch

VTMAS No.24: Curiousity

At some point in my high school career I took a Creative Writing course. We were a small mix of students from different backgrounds, different grades, and most definitely each unique in the term “creative”. Many stories came out of this class but it was that first day that we all found ourselves sitting there thinking, For the love of mankind, do not ask about the hole in the teacher’s neck, Jenny… Our teacher, who I absolutely enjoyed and it’s so hard to find a creative wri

VTMAS No.23: Hungry Hungry Girlfriend

It’s always an anxious ordeal when you meet the boyfriend’s parents for the first time. I had met them a few times since our “Spicy Valentine’s Day” but here we were verging into November… and we are driving 7 hours in the same car as them to Miami from Orlando for the NASCAR race. As expected, my now-husband Justin starts giving me the rundown of what might happen, as well as what I should and should not do. One of these was to order food within my means and I looked at him

VTMAS No.22: My Spicy Valentine

Oh, my first Valentine’s Day with my husband was definitely interesting. We had started seeing each other the last week of January, more or less the first week of February. Me being the not-so-romantic type, I didn’t think anything of it with Valentine’s Day right around the corner. Poor Justin calls me to see if I was working, but instead discovered I had a horrible sinus infection. I could barely breathe, let alone talk. So, feeling sort of bad about it, I invited him over

VTMAS No.19: Rat Attack

I don’t know about you guys, but I have lived in some dives. This is a story about a very special dump that I lived in for a while. This house was broken, decaying without a doubt. The only level floor was the closed in front porch that I had claimed as my room. But for $200 a month, I couldn’t afford to go anywhere else at the time. The one bedroom had a crack that went from the center of the floor, up the outer wall, around the window and all the way across the ceiling. No

VTMAS No.18: Book Store Stalker

Borders and the cattle yard were my two favorite places to go. I stayed away from home where so much conflict was common. Like I was expressing before, it wasn’t uncommon to find me sitting at Borders and it was awesome martin and April were known to show. Occasionally, I would find myself alone… I had pulled up in my famous 1992 Blue Yukon, and had entered the Border’s cafe area and began drawing. Sadly, no one I knew was there, even after perusing through the aisleways hopi