This actually happened the other week. Many of my friends who have had the pleasure of hanging out with me in person can confirm one thing: Val is a magnet for weirdos.
I was sitting at the McDonald’s with a good friend of mine. She had asked for some advice on gathering research for a story she wanted to write. We reviewed what she had already gathered and pointed out that she needed at least a file or notebook to put down her thoughts, wants, and needs for the story as she comes across things. Our meeting came to a close and she needed to run to the bathroom before we packed up the laptop.
Now, during the last moments of this meeting I had already noticed the gentelman in the booth nearby. He had sat down and positioned himself awkwardly in the booth to face us. Being the visual and paranoid patron I am, I could not help but be disgruntled by the items he had with him. There was a open laptop, no food or drinks so he was there for internet I suppose, but he was reading a magazine. This seems all well and good, but this looked like a Fredrick’s of Hollywood women’s sexy lingerie apparel magazine.
Soon as my friend disappeared into the bathroom, “Hey, is that your mom?”
“No, she’s a colleague of mine that we met in school a few years ago.” Sighing, I could only guess where this was about to go.
“Coo, Coo,” He nodded his head, but still had his magazine in hand. “Well, I just wanted to tell you that you’s gots some nice curves.”
I blinked, dumbfounded, “I have what?”
“You know,” This is where he proceeds to make hand motions over himself to exaggerate boobs and hips. “Real nice curves.”
Furrowing my brow I humored to myself, well, I must have lost enough weight to be back in the red zone for weirdo harassment again. “Uh, I’m married. But, thanks, I think.”
Doh! At least at this point my friend had came back and we started to pack up. “I need to order MY HUSBAND some food.”
She paused looking at me funny because I had practically shouted MY HUSBAND, “Ok, I’ll wait with you.”
Eyeing the weirdo, I watched him excitedly pack up his items and rush out the entrance. Another huff from me as I thought, Oh geez, he’s going to be waiting outside for me. “Hey, walk me to my car… I’ve got a weirdo stalking me.”
“You’re joking right?” Her befuddled look led me to catching her up on the situation.
We came out the door to blaring music by a car parked at the front walk, “HEY! Hello again!”
I glared at him, “BYE”
As we made it to the truck I stood where I could keep and eye on the ogling weirdo across the way. “Stay here and talk to me a moment. He should lose interest and leave. I’m not in the mood to be approached and have to beat the crap out of someone.”
Unexpectedly, he shut his music off and in a rush left the parking lot. I was confused because normally when this happens they hang around in hopes of continuing their entourage of social awkwardness.
“That’s weird. I must have pissed him off for him to leave in a rush.” We sighed in relief, and started saying out goodbyes.
“That was super weird.”
“Oh, I see why he left…” As I turned around, I saw a cop had pulled into a parking spot at the gas station, facing our direction. “Heh, he got spooked with the cop parking there. Must have gotten in trouble for this before to rush out like that.”
So, yea… I attract weirdos. Socially awkward acting ones.