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VTMAS No.14: Carnie Confusion

I must admit, that my experience at one particular fair gave me several stories to milk. Granted my friends and peers who were also there are starting to wonder why on earth I would remember any of this.

Forgive me, but I know you are all enjoying this as much as I am!

So there we are, at the same little fair in the middle of the woods that “Val, Tell me a story…” No. 3 took place at, so that should tell more about the sort of Carnies we were mingling and working beside.

“Val, aren’t you gonna ride some rides?” Cayce asked as the group of girls got excited and bought their tickets.

“Nah, I think I am going to sit on a bench with a caramel apple and watch you guys ride them.” I was thumbing through what little cash I had left. “I sort of need the rest of this money to eat and get home on.”

“Awww, ok.” Cayce joined the others in line to purchase ride tickets.

“Hey, I’ll be right back, Jess.” My fellow bandana wearing tom-boy pal had joined me in this watching the others ride themselves sick. “Gonna get that caramel apple.”

“Oh, ok.” She smirked. “I’ll save you a seat on the bench. I think they want to start off on that slower kiddie ride as a warm-up, ha!”

I approached the caramel apple stand excited to have my all-time favorite Fair treat. I handed the money over and as I reached for the apple given to me I stumbled on my words, “Thank you, S… meh…”

My thoughts were panicking, It looks like my dad, the name tag says Sue, short spikey hair, no boobs, feminine voice, oh my God, is this a guy or girl!? Screw it just keep it at, “THANK YOU!”

I raced back to the bench, my cheeks red from such an awkward experience, “Dude, is it me or is it really hard to tell male from female around here?”

Jessica furrowed her brow a moment as she scanned the ride attendees in view, “Uh, you, they are really hard to tell who’s what…”

We watched as the girls handed their tickets over to the ride attendee. I nearly choked on my apple as I heard the very last girl, Jamie, say, “Thank you, sir.”

“Oh no.” I commented through chokes. “I am pretty sure that carnie’s name tag said Morganne.”

“She said sir didn’t she?” Jessica started laughing.

“That’s not gonna be a kiddie ride” We laughed as the pissed off ride operator stumped up to the controls, clearly sir had been the wrong answer.

To this day I have never seen this infamous easy-going ride spin and run as long as this one did. The girls were stumbling off, green faced and moaning. One started running for the trash can, another braced herself on a railing and it wasn’t long as they felt their error evacuate from their stomachs.

The whole time Jessica and I were laughing with tears in our eyes. To top it all off, when they had a few minutes to regain their stomachs, the decided going on a wilder, upside down ride would be fitting only to exit and dash behind the ride’s platform.

Moral of the story: Beware of the unisex carnies… beware.

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