Image courtesy of Pixabay.com by tpa: https://pixabay.com/en/squirrel-wildlife-nature-animal-498139/
I feel like I owe you guys some more Tattoo Shop stories, so here we go! At this point, I wasn’t doing any tattoo artwork directly, but was working the front desk and designing custom work upon request. Keith had taken a customer and his girlfriend to the back after I had acquired consent forms and copies of his driver’s license. After a few minutes, Keith came back, catching my attention.
“Val, I’ve seen you sketchbook…” He furrowed his brow and I paused in practicing Cheeseburger in Paradise on the shop guitar. “What are the chance you can draw me a realistic looking squirrel holding a nut.”
A smile crept across my face as I put the guitar down. “Pfft, gimme like five minutes.”
“Really?” He looked at me, skeptical.
Waving off his doubts, I pulled out my pack of pencils and a sheet of printer paper. With little effort, I had drawn a side view of a typical Florida grey squirrel eating an acorn. With a sheepish smirk, I handed it over, confident my work would impress.
“Holy shit…” He marvelled over the tiny masterpiece. “This is great! Let me see if he wants any changes.”
After a few minutes, he came back. “He wants the squirrel reaching up for a nut.”
Nodding, I busted out a block eraser. “No problem… give it back.”
Grimacing as I took out a chunk of the drawing, he sighed. “Oh, I feel bad now. You did such an amazing job on that…”
“It’s no big deal. Part of the job.” Adding the finishing touches, I handed back the squirrel who now was reaching for the sky. “See if that works.”
“Will do!” He disappeared down the hallway once more. “Val! COME HERE!”
I had just reached for the guitar again, “Uh… Coming!”
Venturing into the back room where he waited with the customer, I introduced myself.
“Hi, Im’ Valerie, the squirrel artist.” Giving a wave, I turned to Keith. “What do you need?”
“I uh…” The customer interjected, his face turning red. “I want him hold the nut in the air.”
“Oh, ok.” I nodded. “That’s no problem. What kind of nut do you want? An acorn, walnut, something more specific?”
“Um… like a nut-nut.” His girlfriend and Keith were snickering at this point.
“A… nut-nut…” I echoed in confusion.
“He wants a ball sack, Val.” Blurted Keith, making my face redden. “A big fat hairy set of man balls.”
“Oooooookkkkkkkk.” Taking the paper, I looked at my cute squirrel with a look of sorrow.
After a few more minutes, I presented the room with the added nut.
“More pubes.” The customer was thrilled with the results, swiggly kinky lines added onto the appendage. “Perfect!”
“Where is this going?” Since I had drawn the image, I felt the need to know what was to become of it.
“Right here, on my inner thigh at the right height for the nut sack to hang out of the bottom of my shorts.” He said with pride.
“What will happen when you get old?” Flustered, his girlfriend, feeling ever more embarrassed. “When you are old and in a nursing home, how are you going to explain that to the nurse?”
Laughing, he cooed. “I hope it makes her day, makes her laugh. If I don’t care now, why am I going to care when I’m older?”
And yes, he did indeed walk out with a squirrel reaching out for a nutsack!!